Friendfluence

November 5, 2012
Psychology Today features editor Flora coined the term "friendfluence" to suggest that friends provide us with more than just social recreation; with successful friendship comes a range of physical, emotional, and professional benefits. Her interdisciplinary discussion draws on scientific research, philosophy, and anecdotes to examine friendship across a lifespan, from playground pals to adolescent and adult relationships. She also alights on the particular struggles someâlike those diagnosed with Asperger'sâface when trying to make friends. Flora shows that friendships are often formed through unconscious strategies (such as the evolutionary impulse to cooperate), and tend to bind individuals together in ways that are in some sense more resilient than marital or familial ties. Yet friendfluence is not without its darker counterpart, and Flora does not shy away from issues like teasing, lying, and betrayal, topics thatâperhaps tellinglyâsegue into a discussion of friendship in the age of Facebook. The book is far-reaching, and the natural consequence of such a massive scope is that some sections feel limited, and unifying themes can be hard to parse. But just as the "dance of disclosure" allows individuals to get to know one another, so too does Flora's compelling book disclose many of friendship's secrets.

November 1, 2012
A wide-ranging look at the many forms of friendships and how those relationships can affect our lives. There was a time when "friend" wasn't a verb, but Facebook has put an end to that, and with the number of users topping 1 billion, it's unlikely to be reversed. Facebook has also broadened the definition of a "friend" to include acquaintances, business associates, high school buddies, parents and others. Former Psychology Today features editor Flora argues that what some critics decry as a watering down of what used to be a significant relationship is actually not as simple as the "Internet is good/bad" dichotomy suggests. Drawing from interviews, academic studies and sociological research, the author explores the nature of not just online friendships, but also friendships in a variety of other contexts. How do we respond to "good friends" who withhold difficult truths to preserve the relationship? What roles do friendships fill that spouses, family and other relationships do not? Is pairing up with "bad seeds" a necessary part of a well-rounded adolescence, or should it sound alarms? Flora explores the criteria that we use to determine who our friends will be. The research is mostly intriguing, and the author cites sources from Cicero to Mark Zuckerberg, explores the friendship of Gabriel Garcia Marquez and Fidel Castro, and provides anecdotes from her own experiences. "The closest of friendships contain the mysterious spark of attraction and connection as well as drama, tension, envy, sacrifice, and love," writes the author. "For some, it's the highest form of love there is." A convincing case for nurturing friendships in many of the same ways we nurture relationships with partners and other family--both online and off.

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August 1, 2012

Friendship likely had its roots in our need to cooperate with others to survive, and it confers enormous benefits. With the recognition that friendship skills are needed to thrive in today's world, research on the subject has exploded. By a former features editor of Psychology Today.

Copyright 2012 Library Journal, LLC Used with permission.